I often view my life in terms of “befores and afters.” There have been a lot of big changes – and a lot of big moments – that have defined me and changed everything I knew.
Before I lost the weight, and after.
Before, I was unhappy. There was a lot of self-loathing. I always thought that my “real life” would finally begin after I lost the weight. I would be confident. I would find love. People would finally see me for who I was, not just what I looked like.
After, a lot of what I thought would happen did come true. However, I also came to realize that I was already living my real life, it just wasn’t what I wanted. I was always me, I was always living, but I did become happier, even if life didn’t magically change the way I thought that it would.
Before we bought our home, and after.
Before, Jerry and I felt like OUR “real life” would start as soon as we moved out of my parent’s home and into a place of our own. Yes, again with this “real life” stuff. I guess when you want something badly, you always imagine things will be so different when it finally happens.
After, we realized we were actual adults with actual responsibilities. We sometimes miss the “before,” when life was carefree and we were newly engaged kids with no major worries. But the after? It’s been so, so worth it. I’ve changed a lot as a person (read: grown up) and have become very interested in my finances, savings, debt payments, and all that jazz. Yeah, we feel broke now that we own a house, but we’ve grown up a lot and feel like real adults… sometimes (even if it often feels like we’re faking it).
Really though, when I look at the biggest before and after… if I had to pinpoint the ultimate life-changer, the two biggest before and after parts of my life, it would undoubtedly be before Jerry, and after.
Though we’ve known each other for less than three years, I look at my life before him as kind of a blur. Certainly, I was living. I was in grad school when we met. I had started on my weight loss journey a couple of months prior to our meeting (of course, since that’s how we met). But ultimately, before I met Jerry, I considered myself a girl in progress. No, really. My Twitter bio even said that back in the day. So yes, a girl in progress, unsettled, unsure, but trying, at least, to figure life out, even if I didn’t quite know where I was going after all was said and done.
Then I met Jerry, and everything changed in that after. If I hadn’t met him, I’m not sure where I would be. No, this is not me saying you need a relationship to be happy or fulfilled, just that I finally had a more concrete direction and a life ahead of me after we met that I often wondered if I’d ever get: marriage, a house, settling down, a family of my own. Before, I knew only that I would finish my degree, try to get a good job, try to move out, but really, I have no idea the direction my life would have gone in, regardless of where I wanted it to go.
So the family, the house, the baby on the way… maybe these things would have happened for me regardless of Jerry, or maybe they wouldn’t have. I’m glad I don’t have to wonder anymore. I’m glad I found my soulmate 3,000 miles away and that he came here to be with me and become my biggest before and after. Because while I LIKED my before, confusing as it was, the after has been so, so much better.
And now, together, the two of us will experience an even bigger before and after. Parenthood will become the biggest, greatest, scariest, most exciting before and after we will ever experience. As much as my life has changed, shifted, and been turned upside down by all the other afters in my life, Caleb will come into this world and change it all again. Just like all the other things, I’m scared about stepping into the “after” of a great, big life changer, but we’ll do this together and I think one day we will look back and say “remember before? Before we were parents? Things were simpler, but it’s all been worth it.” That’s how I feel when I look back at all my befores: it’s been worth it, each and every time. The after has always been much greater, much happier, and much more fulfilling. It has always been worth it.
My happily ever AFTER
Do you have any big before and after moments in your life? Things that you feel changed your whole life? I’d love to hear what yours are!
